What did Gossip Girl wear this week? One outfit for the entire episode.

If you’ve stuck with GG this long, you’ve probably learned to embrace its wildly implausible time lines. We can all agree that an awesome amount of shit went down in the time between Eric setting the table for dinner and the van der Woodsen’s actually sitting down to eat dinner. The downside is that everyone spent the whole episode in one outfit. Except for Serena, still passed out in her ballgown two weeks later.

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Eric and Cute Eliot are here! Eliot is back from Yale, where he is majoring in Venn diagrams (at least that’s what I heard him say). He and Eric are clearly half-assing this one. Eliot has grown out his hair, which I’m not digging %100, but it does seem very College.  

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What did Gossip Girl wear this week? Gray! and pastels! 

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THIS IS THE WALDORF’S, NOT A BEST WESTERN!

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OMFGG you guys! JENNY is BACK!

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Blair and Serena wear crazy outfits and get themselves into some wacky shenanigans!

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Chuck continues to wear more variations on the same outfit. Juliet wears more beige. 

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Blair and Serena are feeling low because their Boys have found new Girls, and they are dressing like it. Blair has returned to her flirty, feminine, floral look that she favored when she was looking for love in all the most clichéd places in Paris. But with a detectable hint of Eva-inspired peasant-drab. For her part, Serena has donned a Juliet-like blazer. But whatever, because underneath she is wearing a striped shirt and a differently striped sequined miniskirt. I am so in love with this weird combination of garments. 

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Chuck and Eva are starting to rub off on each other. Isn’t it beautiful to see two people so much in love? You can tell Chuck is still feeling pretty good because he is rocking the classic Bass look. And like a true man in love, he is wearing a pink shirt. Eva seems to be picking up a few cues from Chuck and mixing subtle prints. 

Chuck you damn fool. Blair has always been deceptive, manipulative, and wrathful, AND she is dressed like a wicked queen from a Disney movie. Eva looks so sparkly and trustworthy! 

Hey look what Juliet is wearing! Beige!!! 

I’m digging this necklace because it looks like it is made of ROCKS. In almost all of her scenes, Juliet is only shown from the neck up. Probably because her dress looks like this:

It’s a crappy screenshot, but basically this dress reminds me of a skirt made out of neckties that I saw on an early episode of project runway.

Oh here it is:

Thanks, internet. 

My point is that Juliet LOVES men’s formal wear. 

Is it just me, or does Vanessa’s entrance have a “look out! she’s right behind you!” feel to it? 

I don’t know what to write about Vanessa. She’s always just wearing a bunch of mish-mashed shit. Ethnic prints, necklaces, necklaces, necklaces, earring. You know the deal. 

For the rest of the episode, she dresses like a poor man’s Serena. We’ve got a glittery, boob-holstering dress that is not unlike the one Serena wore last week. And later she wears the Vanessa version of the Serena version of Juliet’s blazer. 

Do not try to imitate Serena; you’re going to look stupid. 

Also, Dan has let his once perfectly waxed chest hair grow in. Dan is the most responsible parent ever to be on Gossip Girl. 

I really only watch this show for Vanessa’s batshit outfits though. 

In a world where Serena solves crimes wearing golden shoulder pads and Blair runs around train stations in ballgowns, it takes a lot to be the most absurdly dressed person, but Vanessa makes it seem effortless.

You know where I think she gets this stuff?

Eva’s peasant suitcase. 

I actually think all of Eva’s bra-exposing slip dresses are really cute. The show keeps trying to say that she’s “poor”, but I bet she also has a giant loft in some sort of trendy neighborhood that’s the Prague equivalent to Dumbo. 

I totally saw that necklace at the Brooklyn Flea! What a realistic costume choice!

And what did I saw about vests?

^This outfit is kinda cute.

Georgina has decided to dress like Vanessa this week, with lots of necklaces, a weird vest, and clashing ethnic prints. I don’t know what’s with the vests this week, or why anyone would want to dress like Vanessa. I will have to ponder this one for a while.